


Beautifully Bald

by vlaplomb



Category: Purple Hyacinth (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Crack, Crack Relationships, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Kind of beta read?, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:14:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24512134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vlaplomb/pseuds/vlaplomb
Summary: Lauki?  Who’s that?  The only ship I stan is Butham.
Relationships: The Butler/Lady Arthingham
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27
Collections: Purple Hyacinth Soulmate AU





	Beautifully Bald

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU where each soulmate has one half of a quote that is important to their relationship on their hand.

She brushed a woeful fingertip over the writing sprawled across the back of her hand. “When will I ever understand what this means?” she asked no one in particular. Even in a room teeming with people, she felt so alone.

Unlike her, everyone else attending this party was arm in arm with their soulmate.

Lady Arthingham wandered around the room in search of a refreshments table. The word “Brussel” burned into her hand. As she weaved in between couples dancing and talking, the meaningful quotes of others caught her eye. “I will always love you,” “You are my other half,” even “Subordinate, it suits you” - any of those made more sense than the measly word “Brussel.” What did it mean?

She had pored over countless heartfelt soulmate stories. While everyone she had ever met in real life bore half of a significant quote on their hand, she supposed it was possible that hers was not the case. Perhaps it was like those stories in which people have the location where they meet their soulmate on their hand. 

Wherever “Brussel” was, she needed to get there fast. Her soul ached with every tick of her clock, counting down to her inevitable death. She was a noble - what if the Phantom Scythe killed her before she could meet her soulmate?

What if her soulmate was already dead? Killed at the hands of the Purple Hyacinth?

No, she couldn’t think that. Her partner was surely out there, waiting for her, just as beautiful and longing for love as herself.

Her feet throbbed. Oh, why had she chosen her shining new high heels for such a low-class event? There wasn’t even a chair in sight! Sucking in a breath, she poured herself a short glass of cherry red punch and set off, approaching the hallway.

With each step, she could feel her blisters worsening. Glancing down, she half expected to see blood running down the side of her shoe. Instead, her olive green heels were just as shiny and clean as the day she’d bought them last week. She sighed, finally in the hallway and out of the ballroom, and leaned her weight back into the heels of her shoes.

“I ought to file a complaint for the lack of seating in this venue,” she muttered under her breath. The bird caged in her hair tittered in agreement. “Oh, darling, don’t worry. If we file a lawsuit, I’ll be sure to cut you some of the money.”

Her gaze darted around the deserted hallway. Surely no one would see if she were to just sit down on the ground - no, her skirt would get crumpled. Her voluminous dress swished around her as she stumbled across the hallway to the staircase, peering up. No one was descending the stairs at the moment.

Taking up her skirt in her free hand, she plopped down on the second stair, kicking off her cursed shoes. Why she had come to this event, she couldn’t remember. All she knew was that she wanted to leave. Everything she passed, whether it be a family portrait, a dancing couple, or a simple household item reminded her that her soulmate still hadn’t come out of the woodwork yet.

“Milady, are you alright?”

She jumped, turning around to see a large bald man. His hairless head glinted in the gentle light from the chandelier. Lady Arthingham felt blood rush to her cheeks. “I-I’m just taking a rest, sir. Would you like to sit as well?”

“That’s quite alright, milady,” he said, stepping down the steps around her. Once on the floor again, he turned around, kneeling before her. She followed his gaze to her aching feet. “Are your shoes causing you pain?”

“Yes,” she breathed, stunned by his beauty. He had the pointiest facial hair she had ever seen, silver and painstakingly groomed.

She would love to know how that mustache would feel-

No. Her feet were positively dying - she needed to focus on a remedy.

“These heels are too high, and this place lacks criminally in seating options,” she said, batting her eyelashes. “My delicate soul - soles - can’t handle it.”

“Have you perhaps tried…” the man fished around in his pocket. “Brussel sprouts scented cream?” A small tin shone in his hand. Lady Arthingham gaped. “It’s always worked like a charm for me. It relieves tension - and it smells decadent! Do you fancy brussel sprouts?”

“I’ve a fondness for them, as I’ve found in recent years,” she said tentatively. “May I see your hand?”

“What?”

She snatched his hand, turning it over so she could see what was written on his hand.

“Sprouts,” she read aloud, marveling at the black tattoo-like script decorating his gentle hand. “Your soulmate phrase?”

“It’s strange, isn’t it?” he said, chuckling. “I never did think it made sense-”

“I think it makes perfect sense,” the lady said, turning over her palm so he could read the writing on her hand. “Brussel sprouts. May I ask what your name is, my handsome sir?”

“You can call me Mr. Butler,” he said, his smile warm. “What may I call you, milady?”

“My name is Lady Arthingham, my love.” She took both of his hands in hers, closing his hand around the tin of cream.

Wedding bells rang out in her head. Lady Arthingham-Butler. It had a lovely ring to it. When she had first turned around to see Mr. Butler’s shining head; his gorgeous nose, engulfing his face; his strangely seductive eyes, dwarfed in comparison - she knew.

She knew this was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

Heat rose in her face, and she couldn’t help the love-struck grin that seized her. “I would love to try some of your brussel sprouts cream, Mr. Handsome Butler,” she said, leaning towards him. Maybe one day, they would have beautifully bald babies, and feed them brussel sprouts daily, and-

If only someone could have told her long ago that the reason she had to wait all those years was to receive this perfection.

**Author's Note:**

> This went downhill as I wrote it. :D
> 
> Links:
> 
> [Join the Purple Hyacinth Discord!](https://discord.gg/MRyCG3)  
> [Read Purple Hyacinth on Webtoon!](https://www.webtoons.com/en/mystery/purple-hyacinth/list?title_no=1621)


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